


Black Curls and Tangles

by BytheSea (ye_old_cactus)



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Based on a song, Getting Back Together, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, POV Alternating, The aliens are humans-ish??? but like aliens exist???, Time Skips, i didnt think this part through, maybe theyre aliens but live on earth wledlwejdef
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-09 05:57:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15260907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ye_old_cactus/pseuds/BytheSea
Summary: Shepard had loved Kaidan since he was a teenager, when they finally got together after years of pining, he thought maybe everything was going to be okay... at least until Kaidan dropped the news that he was moving back to the city. So, a few years later, when the thought of Kaidan, Shepard pretended, had left his mind, an unexpected figure appears in front of him, just when his life was all but made, but this time around, he is determined to make it right.





	Black Curls and Tangles

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be like 1k words long??

He has no idea how long he’s been in the bar, but he’s pretty sure he only drank about two or so beers, but seeing as he is definitely hallucinating right now, maybe Garrus got the drinks mixed and this isn’t what it’s supposed to be.

“Garrus?” he calls the bartender.

“What? Another one? You’re not even done with that one,” he says but Shepard ignores him, looking to one of the tables at other side of the bar.

“How long have we known each other?” he asks Garrus.

“Way too long,” he replies refilling Shepard’s beer and busying himself with cleaning the counter after.

“Would you tell me if I’m going a little crazy?”

Garrus stops wiping and looks back at him slowly, about to say something to make fun of Shepard for the serious tone he took but he doesn’t even get to open his mouth when Shepard points to where he’s been watching for the past 10 minutes.

The first thing Garrus sees is a mop of tangly black curls and that’s just about enough to figure the rest.

“Would you look at that,” he says to Shepard, who doesn’t move an inch, still looking at Kaidan like he’s truly going crazy. “You’re not gonna say anything?”

“He probably doesn’t remember me,” Shepard replies, chugging down the rest of the drink for the lack of something better to do… and because his whole body is itching to go talk to him… Because he does remember Kaidan.

“Yo, Kaidan!” Garrus all but screams, making Kaidan jump a little, Shepard immediately looks the other side so Kaidan can’t see his face, or recognize him, but only because it’s obvious he was talking to Garrus so that left running away out of the question.

He looks their way surprised, maybe not expecting people to recognize him, but a small town stays a small town forever and if he expected that, he’s been away a little too long.

“Garrus?” Kaidan asks unbelieving and Shepard stays where he is shrinking more and more with every step Kaidan gives towards them. He creepily catches Kaidan’s earthy scent, hears his deep raspy voice and watches his canines as he smiles up to Garrus.

They hug over the counter and Garrus asks him a few things—how he is, what he’s doing there and all that jazz you ask someone you haven’t seen in years… 6 years to be exact. It might not sound like a lot but for 16-17-year-old teenagers they were when Kaidan left, it’s a lot.

Kaidan answers all his question excitedly and asks a few back, it seems like he hasn’t seen Shepard yet and for that he’s more than glad. He didn’t have the best day ever and Kaidan there with them is kind of the cherry on top of his shit ass day… at least it was Friday.

“Anyway, I gotta go,” Garrus says, “but I’m sure _he_ can keep you company,” he points towards Shepard with a beer he puts in front of Kaidan, also handing him the burger Shepard guessed Kaidan asked for to one of the waitresses, before he came to talk to them..

“Thanks,” Kaidan says turning around slowly, like he just noticed there was someone behind him… and then, “John,” he whispers a little out of breath, eyes wide as plates and, as the last sound leaves his mouth, Shepard is 15-year-old teen again.

* * *

It was the hottest summer he’d experienced in all his life and working in a greasy fast food restaurant did absolutely nothing to help with the sweat pooling in all kinds of parts of his body.

Anderson had told him he didn’t need to work as soon as he was of legal age to do so, but because he was pretty much a robot when it came to showing his feelings to his foster parents, he decided that this was the only way he could help out somehow.

More than once they reminded him that he was part of the family and he didn’t owe them anything, but it was because of that same reason that he wanted to work, not because he wanted to _pay_ for all they did for him, but because as part of the family, he had to help, plus he felt bad when they paid for his stuff so, he did it mostly for him.

It wasn’t until Kahlee talked to Anderson that he finally gave in and got Shepard his first job in the drive-thru of a restaurant managed by one of his friends, which brought Shepard to his current situation, should he go to the ass hot bathroom to get some air but get sweaty again almost immediately or just stay where he is, sweating just as much as he would in the bathroom.

Not like he couldn’t handle the heat, back when he was in the system, it was rather normal for several kids to sleep in the same room, which meant waking up sweating was a daily thing, but today… maybe it wasn’t the hottest day ever, but it felt like that because he was meeting with Kaidan after his shift.

Shepard had had a crush on Kaidan since the first day he saw him, when he was 13 years old and Kaidan had recently moved to town. He’d told Shepard his parents moved a lot because his father was in the military, which was also the reason why he was on his grade despite being a year older and that only fueled Shepard’s crush because he thought Kaidan wasn’t going to stay there long so he might as well befriend him.

Two years later and now they were best friends and maybe, just maybe, Shepard was actually in love with Kaidan, but not like he was going to tell him that.

Today was special because he’d invited Kaidan to grab something to eat, him paying everything because it was his first paycheck. It was supposed to be the two of them and Ashley, but she suddenly got a stomachache and told them she couldn’t make it. Shepard kinda suspected she was as healthy as ever.

Needless to say, by the time his shift ended, he was thinking about running back home to take the quickest shower ever and risk being slightly late, of course when he came out to the parking lot, Kaidan was already there, propped back against his car, reading a book quietly.

“You’re here early,” he said when he was within Kaidan’s earshot.

He looked up from his book, startled and checked his watch, letting out a little smile.

“Mom had me running errands with her all day, so…” he trailed off.

Shepard smiled back and got on his car. He at least had time to put on some deodorant and cologne, thinking that maybe his plan of going back might not work and was glad to know that it’d been a good idea.

“Where you wanna go?” Kaidan asked him.

“I’m paying, you pick,” he replied, Ashley usually was the one in charge of that decision as both of them could eat whatever but today, well...

“You’re gonna regret that,” Kaidan started the car, getting out of the parking lot and heading straight for _another_ fast food restaurant. As soon as Shepard realized that, he let out a quiet _‘I hate you’_ but Kaidan only laughed and turned on the volume of the radio.

It was a small restaurant, like those owned by a family trying to survive the growing market around them, only it belonged to an Asari couple. They had discovered it by chance when the three of them got lost and Ashley "convinced" them to eat there. It wasn’t particularly big, and it didn’t stand out a lot, mostly because it wasn’t along the main road but when they stepped in, they could actually feel the homey atmosphere they had going, which was unexpected for an alien-owned business, mostly because they lived in a tiny town that aliens tended to ignore, so the whole thing was a great deal.

Kaidan ordered for the both of them while Shepard went to the bathroom because in his haste to go back home, he didn’t even have time to do so. When he got back to the table, Kaidan had a little glint on his eyes and when he saw the waitress coming to their table, Shepard knew why.

“What the fuck?” he mouthed to Kaidan over the fries and burgers and nachos and quesadillas and, “what the fuck?”

“My mom woke me up early and only got me an empanada on the road,” he laughed, he was laughing a lot, today, “I’ll pay half,” he said a little panicked when Shepard looked at him like he was crazy.

“No way!” he retorted, “I’m definitely paying but we better eat all this.”

Half an hour later, they were almost done.

“…How?”

“I did say you were going to regret this.”

“I’m not,” Shepard said quickly, and then, “regretting this…”

Kaidan gave him a toothy smiled, eyes closing a little, food half chewed and then he choked, which only made him laugh more, and made it a bit harder to drink his iced tea. Shepard watched him, smiling too, a warm fuzzy feeling that started deep in his gut and made its way up his throat, feeling like he was choking too but in a whole different way. He smiled wider, “I love you,” he whispered before he could stop himself.

Kaidan choked for real this time, he was still drinking his iced tea and when he put it down on the table, Shepard could see it coming out of his mouth and nose. Shepard handed him a bunch of napkins unable to say anything. Not ‘I’m sorry’ not ‘I didn’t mean it’ not ‘I’ve been in love with you for the past two years and I think you’re the only person who doesn’t know,’ nothing.

“Shepard…” Kaidan started when he got his footing, so to say.

Shepard ran to the bathroom.

Too late did he realize that sooner or later he had to come out of the bathroom. Kaidan was his ride home and they weren’t exactly close to their houses, maybe he could call Anderson or Kahlee to pick him up… but his phone was back in his backpack in Kaidan’s car. “Fuck.”

“Shepard?” Kaidan said knocking softly. He didn’t say anything, “Shepard?” Kaidan called him again, “Please come out.”

“I’m gay,” were the first words that came out of his mouth and it was such a surreal thing that when he heard a little thud on the door and Kaidan’s deep, hysterical laugh, he finally got the guts to come out… of the bathroom, this time.

The little thud he heard was actually Kaidan’s head on the door, he almost fell into Shepard’s arms when he opened it.

“I’m sorry,” Shepard said.

“Don’t,” Kaidan replied and then kissed him.

It tasted like honey-mustard.

It was amazing.

* * *

“Kaidan,” Shepard says smiling nervously, “you look amazing.”

“I’ve seen better days,” he replies grinning, “how are you?”

They make polite, senseless talk for a while, the same Kaidan had with Garrus but way deeper and maybe not so senseless, after all they weren’t simple friends.

“How come you’re back?” Shepard finally asks what he’s been itching to ask for a while.

“Got a job,” Kaidan says simply, “Wrex.”

“Are you aware Wrex is into…” he gestures with his hands, “politics.”

Kaidan laughs, “I sure hope so, he gave a job as a consultant.”

Shepard stares at him and Kaidan looks to the side uncomfortably. When they parted ways, Kaidan had been very gun-ho on teaching high school, Shepard never understood why though he supported him anyway but going from teaching to politics was just…

“How did that even happen?” he asks flabbergasted.

“Mm, I was helping out the Major back in the city, working my way up, I guess. He made this huge party for other y’know politicians and Wrex was there, asked what I was up to and told me he was taking over his father and needed someone who had experience working in a big city and all so…” He takes a sip of his beer, “I always wanted to come back but didn’t have a reason to and this sounded like a perfect one, and I said yes.”

Shepard huffs, “I meant how did you go from teaching to politics.”

“Oh,” Kaidan blushes, “my father.”

“Are you okay with that?” He asks because he remembers Kaidan’s parents being pretty cool, but they could get a little overwhelming at times, like all parents, maybe. Kahlee pretty much thought of him as a baby and while he sometimes had drinks with Anderson back in their house when they invited him for lunch, he always got the feeling Anderson was the same as Kahlee. He was always going to be their baby, even if they didn't actually know him when he was a baby.

Kaidan sighs, “took a few general classes first because he was very adamant on it and I didn’t know if I really wanted to, but they were paying for school and I decided to give it a try and ended up loving it.” He smiles, “what about you?”

“Actually…” he laughs, “Wrex got me a job.”

“Oh?” Kaidan says taking a bite of his burger. Shepard and politics was definitely not a thing.

“At the park… uhm as a ranger. Finished college and had a few jobs here and there around the area and dad suggested to talk to Wrex’s father but…” Wrex’s father was a fucking ass bastard who hated them all and it was mutual.

“Gotcha,” he takes another sip, “what did you major in at the end?”

This was… sort of, new conversation to them, while Kaidan did voice out what he wanted to do, Shepard had been pretty much clueless until the last day he had to hand in his papers for schools. Anderson had tried to help him, with Kahlee in the middle of them when they got too heated about Shepard saying no to everything and Anderson looking exasperated after every suggestion.

“Environmental Protection and Management.”

Kaidan laughs nervously, “okay.”

“I’m saving the galaxy one tree at a time, so, recycle, don’t use straws, love whales and be kind to aliens,” he says, the line practiced in front of the mirror for every poor soul that made the same face Kaidan did.

Kaidan laughs and Shepard notices his ears getting red, meaning that he’s getting tipsy.

“But… Wrex?”

“Ah,” Shepard continues, “the government controls everything regarding the park because well, they do and Wrex helped me out to get an interview.”

“I see.”

Shepard coughs, awkwardly, drinking the rest of his, now water because Garrus cut him off a while ago knowing that he was driving. “So…”

Kaidan hums.

“Where are you staying?”

They look at each other with a knowing smile.

* * *

“What did he say?” Anderson asked him as soon as he got inside the house. Kahlee was nowhere to be seen and Anderson was holding a wooden spoon, so he guessed they were making dinner.

“Who’s that?” Kahlee said from the kitchen, which incidentally had a window facing the street so there was no single way in hell she didn’t know it was Shepard, and that it was Kaidan dropping him off, they all knew his car by now.

“Uh, it’s me, mom,” he yelled back, walking to the kitchen.

“What did he say?” Anderson said again, walking behind him.

He sat on the kitchen counter, until his dad hit him on the thigh with the wooden spoon, so he sat on the chair of the counter, and started from the beginning, giving little details like Kaidan smiling and the kiss tasting like honey-mustard.

He wasn’t embarrassed or afraid they wouldn’t approve. He knew they worried about him in a good way and that they wouldn’t shy away from telling him what they thought. After so many years of living with them, Shepard had learned to tell them everything and since then, he hadn’t stopped.

He had his friends—and now a boyfriend—but for him that didn’t mean he had to stop telling his parents everything. He guessed that if he ever got a kid, he’d want them to tell him everything, to not be afraid of the “consequences” of telling stuff to him.

Shepard was a teen and hearing about other parents and their unjust ways was a daily thing... if he could avoid being called all the names the other kids called their parents, well, he was going to try.

Regardless, they still laughed when Shepard told them about honey-mustard kisses.

“I’m proud of you, son,” his dad patted his back.

“I’m so happy for you, John,” his mother hugged him.

He went up to his room after dinner, checking his phone on the way up, there were a few texts and notifications here and there that he was too lazy to check, but one text he did see, it was from Kaidan—just an emoji sticking out its tongue. Shepard smiled, feeling a flutter in his belly and replied with the same emoji.

He brought his laptop in from sleeping mode, balancing it on his legs when he settled on the bed, and then skyped Ashley because they were old like that, still using Skype.

While their circle of friends was relatively big and Shepard considered Garrus his best friend, for some reason or another, his friendship with Kaidan and Ashley was just… on a different level.

“How did it go?” she asked bouncing on her desk chair.

He told her everything, halfway though, her sister appeared behind her, she’d been listening from Ashley’s bed where Shepard couldn’t see her. He doubted she did it on purpose.

Her sister went away for a while and came back with a bunch of credits that she dropped on Ashley’s lap, Shepard just sighed and continued with the story.

By the time 10 p.m. rolled around and he was done with the dinner his parents let him eat on the bed "because today's a special day", Kaidan had called Ashley and the four of them ended up chatting about everything and nothing, Ashley’s sister was as much of a sister to them as Ashley, despite being younger than them, so as soon as Kaidan called, the sister started asking them question after question until she was satisfied enough.

Shepard was the first one to leave, having an early shift tomorrow. He closed his laptop leaving it on the desk and grabbed his phone, heading back to bed… there was a message from Kaidan... at 3 a.m. he’d fallen asleep, still holding his phone, message half-written.

Kaidan picked him up the next day, and the next, and the next… even when his shift didn’t end until midnight, Kaidan was out waiting for him. It was honestly fucking heaven. He had pined over Kaidan for such a long time that the whole situation seemed like a dream, but every time he got on Kaidan’s car after a tiring shift and kissed him breathless, the dream became a reality.

* * *

They don’t even make it to Shepard’s Rover when they’re already kissing.

It tastes like honey-mustard... because of course it does, Kaidan puts the thing in every fucking food he eats, like people obsessed with ketchup, but honey-mustard. It’s fucking amazing.

The parking lot is pretty much empty, despite being Friday but it’s already past 3 a.m.

It’s a little windy and when he shoves his hands under Kaidan’s shirt and he shivers, Shepard opens the backseat door to get them both inside.

Kaidan instantly jumps in, which is a little difficult because Shepard doesn’t want to let him go for even a second, but when he finally manages, Shepard is on top of him or to be more accurate, between his legs.

“John,” Kaidan whispers wantonly, and that fucking does it for him. He yanks Kaidan’s shirt up and kisses his way from his bellybutton to his nipples but stops when he finally gets the shirt off.

Kaidan is breathing heavily under him, he reaches his hand up to cup Shepard’s face. “What’s wrong?” he says now grabbing Shepard’s hand, moving it to his lips and giving him feather-light kisses.

Shepard is not looking at his face, but his shoulder. He’s trying to make sense of what he’s seeing—ribbons, flowers and something like a galaxy hugging both his shoulders.

“Is that a tattoo?” he asks, as breathless as Kaidan, who tries to turn a little around with Shepard between his legs. It says ‘ _INTEGRITY’_ which Shepard guesses it makes sense in his line of work.

He stares at the tattoo for what feel like ages and when Kaidan tries to lie back on the backseat, Shepard rolls his hips and Kaidan lets out the dirtiest moan Shepard’s ever heard, so he does it again… and again and in a moment of what he can’t call anything but weakness, he sinks his teeth in Kaidan’s shoulder, right where the ribbon ends, and the galaxy begins.

“J-John,” he stutters as Shepard undoes his button, tracing with his tongue the skin above his boxer and then dips down to kiss and lick the happy trail… until someone knocks on the window.

They jump apart like they used to do when they were in high school and got caught doing this same thing, maybe a little more vanilla. Shepard hits his head on the roof of the car and Kaidan on the door.

“Out of my parking lot,” Garrus screams from outside the car, “I’ll call the police.”

Shepard laughs, lowering his head on top of Kaidan’s still exposed stomach, he is laughing just as much—his hands on Shepard’s scalp and his head thrown back on the seat. Shepard mutters a ‘ _fuck off_ ,’ still laughing and gets off Kaidan. Garrus is already walking back to his own car, the only one in the parking lot besides Shepard’s own.

They get out of the car at the same time, Kaidan with his shirt on again but pants still unbuttoned, and Shepard, _maybe_ drools a little while running to the other side of the car to the passenger’s seat to open the door for Kaidan.

He looks at Shepard and rolls his eyes, getting on the car regardless. Shepard grabs the seatbelt when Kaidan is settled and puts it on him, Kaidan just watches him intently, without moving… and when they hear the soft click of the seatbelt, instead of moving to close the door, Shepard kisses above Kaidan’s heart, feeling it hammering against his ribcage… and smiles when he realizes Kaidan is just as excited and affected as him.

He looks up to Kaidan’s eyes and they make eye-contact for a little before Shepard goes up for a kiss, his hand on Kaidan’s heart now, it’s a deep and slow kiss, their tongues mingling in a dance that has Shepard’s toes curling… call him sappy.

“I missed you,” Kaidan murmurs against his lips and Shepard smiles, a tiny smile at first but it widens as Kaidan looks at him, in seconds it becomes a toothy smile now a mirror of Kaidan’s own.

“I missed you, too,” he says kissing Kaidan one and two and three and four times until Garrus is honking and showing them the middle finger.

* * *

“Is John home?” Kaidan asked Anderson when he opened the door, he looked bad, red-rimmed eyes and dark circles under them. Anderson opened the door a little more to let Kaidan in without saying anything. It was unusual for Kaidan to be there after Shepard because he usually picked him up from his job at the bowling alley every day, but today Shepard used his car to come and go from work.

Kahlee and Anderson were pretty much used to him by now, he’d been dating Shepard for over a year and they welcomed him home like their own son… which in a way he was, same with Kaidan’s parents and Shepard, so when he immediately bolted up the stairs, Anderson just closed the door and went back to the living room where Kahlee had Fleet and Flotilla paused, she asked him if it was Kaidan, they kinda figured he was coming sooner or later when Shepard took his car that morning, but what they didn’t expect was Kaidan looking that bad, they should have, though, when Shepard just pretty much woke up and left without even having breakfast.

::

“Please talk to me,” Kaidan all but begged Shepard. He was sitting at the end of the bed while Shepard was closer to the headboard. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Shepard finally talked, voice hoarse, “it’s not your fault.”

“I promise I’ll come whenever I can.”

“No.”

It had finally come, the realization that his life, this life, was only temporary. Kaidan had to remind himself that only because they had been living there for over 3 years, it didn’t mean that it was going to be permanent.

His father broke the news about two weeks ago, he’d been relocated, and they were moving back to the main base. Kaidan had been trying to ignore the news, dreading telling Shepard because he knew this was going to happen.

He almost succeeded until Ashley accidentally asked Shepard how he was handling Kaidan moving to the city. They knew it wasn’t Ashley’s fault but that didn’t stop Shepard from giving her the cold shoulder, giving them the cold shoulder.

He tried to give him time, yesterday was his day off and Kaidan decided to leave him be, not texting him until today, but he didn’t answer any of his texts, he went to pick him up, like every day, but when he saw Shepard’s car in the parking lot, he went back home to pack more of his stuff but not even an hour later, he was driving back to Shepard’s house.

That was the closest to a conversation they’d had in 3 days.

“Why?” Kaidan asked him.

“When are you coming back?” Shepard finally looked at him, reaching his hand to Kaidan and pulling him closer to him.

Kaidan kissed his cheek, spooning him, he breathed in and out slowly, “we’ve never gone back to a place after we move out of it.”

Shepard winced, “when are you moving?”

“A week from today… I’m sorry,” Kaidan said again but Shepard just sighed.

“I want to break up,” he replied after a while.

Kaidan only closed his eyes, he was expecting this, he’d been battling with himself about doing that exactly and he didn’t want to, and he knew Shepard didn’t want to.

“You don’t want to.”

“I know but I think we should.” Shepard turned around to face him properly. Kaidan thought he looked like he wanted to cry but didn’t dare to. When it came to showing those feelings, Kaidan was usually the one with his heart all over his sleeve, so maybe seeing him look so ‘calm’ made it hard, harder for Shepard to cry.

“We still have a week together,” Kaidan said.

“We do.”

“So,” Kaidan started again, “this is it?”

“We still have a week together,” Shepard replied.

“We do.”

But yeah… that was it.

* * *

“Morning.”

“Is it morning?” Kaidan asks sleepily, not even opening his eyes.

“So, I have a few questions,” Shepard replies, moving his hand in circles on Kaidan’s belly, “first is, are you okay? I think we overdid it last night,” he’s genuinely worried and it makes Kaidan happy.

“My thighs and lower back are killing me,” he hums pleasantly, opening his eyes, Shepard’s touch making him sleepier.

“Sorry…” he smiles apologetically, “okay, second question, when did you get here? And third question, why… why is the only thing in your place a mattress?”

Kaidan laughs again. “yesterday and because that’s the only thing I brought with me… not even a toothbrush.”

“But why a mattress?” Shepard presses, moving his hand lower and lower down Kaidan’s belly with every word he says, he can feel thick dark curls tickling his fingertips.

“I stole it,” Kaidan says absentmindedly, watching Shepard’s hand, waiting for it to go just a few more inches down.

To his dismay, the hand stops altogether, and he looks up to Shepard looking as scandalized as Kaidan feels.

“You stole it?”

He shrugs, “my roommate was an ass.”

“You know, K,” Shepard starts, and he’s got this smile that Kaidan just _knows_ he’s about to regret confessing that, “I don’t wanna dive into the whole political stereotype thing but—”

“Shut up!” Kaidan says before Shepard can continue and instead pulls him closer to kiss him, enjoying tiny victories like the fact that they’re already naked.

::

By the time noon rolls around, they’re still naked on Kaidan’s mattress, untangling from each other only because of the concert Shepard’s stomach had going.

They order pizza that Shepard had to pay because with the moving, the sudden quitting and the hole renting a room for a few days in a hotel, Kaidan is broke, refusing the help his parents offered and deciding to make do with what he had, which was close to nothing.

They go back to the mattress to eat, catching up to what they’d been doing for the past 6 years and how their friends are.

Kaidan is not surprise when Shepard tells him Ashley followed his father’s footsteps and joined the Alliance getting shipped off planet, Wrex, well, took over the family business, Garrus opened his own bar. He’d walked to that one bar because it looked cozy, he had no idea it belonged to Garrus, who is now married to Tali, expecting their firstborn and Liara, Shepard thinks is off planet, too, but god knows where she actually is. They had more friends here and there, but their main circle was only them and it kept being just them even after Shepard and Kaidan started dating, he was happy to know that he was the only one who went away, in a way, with the rest of them sticking together.

At 7 p.m. Shepard figures he has to go home, they’re naked again, breathing heavily and it feels like heaven, but the day won’t stop just because Kaidan came back, no matter how much they wish it.

“I think I’ve never had this much sex before,” Kaidan says in between pants.

“That’s sad,” Shepard laughs, “you, bouncing on a dick, should be a daily occurrence,” Kaidan just moves his hand to the side, hitting him softly. “You didn’t say no.”

“Didn’t you say you have to leave?” He replies instead, because yeah… that does sound nice, but the only dick he wants to bounce on is next to him and he wants to say it out loud, really bad, but what good would that do when Shepard and him just saw each other for the first time after 6 years.

“Kaidan?” Shepard calls him, and he hums, “why did we break up?”

He looks to the side, to Shepard’s eyes and then to the bobbing of his throat, “because I moved to the city.”

“Are you dating someone else?” Shepard asks.

“Of course I’m not.”

“You want to?”

It takes a minute for Kaidan to understand what Shepard means, for realization to dawn on him and yes, he wants to, very much.

“John…” he says instead.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Shepard stutters, getting up from the mattress, “it was a stupid thing to say.”

“Y-yes,” he chokes out as Shepard is putting his underwear on, “but don’t you think it’s a little… too fast?”

“Kaidan, I love you… I never stopped loving you,” he lowers himself to the mattress again and cups Kaidan’s face with his left hand and kisses him softly.

“I… I love you, too,” Kaidan says moving his head slightly to kiss the palm of Shepard’s hand, “but… we’re not the same teenagers we were when we started dating.”

“I know,” Shepard kisses him, again, “that’s why I want this time to be different, I want this time to be _real_. We broke up because you had to go, not because we didn’t love each other anymore or because we fought, let’s just, pick it up from there.”

Kaidan sighs, holding Shepard’s hands on his own hands, staying close but keeping his distance. He loves Shepard, so much, but he just came back, he doesn’t have a place to live, he won’t start his job until Monday and he has absolutely nothing here. Part of him knows that the real reason he came back was because deep down, he had hoped for this to happen, why else would he take a job in a little nameless town after he’d been working in a big city.

He fell in love with this place when he fell in love with Shepard, but there’s no way in hell he can grow professionally as long as he stays under the Urdnots’ shadow and he knows he’ll eventually have to move out again to continue with his career, but... would it be so bad to stay here? Next to Shepard? Next to Shepard that he knows won’t move out of here easily?

“John… my staying here isn’t permanent,” he raises his hand in a _let me continue_ motion when Shepard is about to say something, “I might stay here 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, I don’t know, but I’ll have to move out sooner or later, I can’t just be a consultant for Wrex for the rest of my life.

“The way you talk about your job at the forest, about your investigation, about everything you do here… I can’t see you moving or keeping up with my lifestyle. I plan to move to the Citadel, my real goal is to be a Counselor or at least an Ambassador while I make it to the Council… my point is, we have very different lifestyles and there are governments all over the planet and off it, but there’s no forest everywhere.”

“We’ll…” Shepard says but doesn’t finish. He sighs instead, because he knows Kaidan is right, it took him almost a year to convince Wrex to get him his job and even if Kaidan stays there for years and moves, he doubts he’ll quit easily to follow him.

He’d always wanted to go off planet, to ‘reach the stars’—Anderson had told him how it was out there, to visit different planets and meet aliens. He’d also told him that none of that compared to Earth, to their home and it wasn’t until he went to college that he knew Anderson was right… he also knew it was pure bias, even more because they had to study alien flora and fauna and it was amazing but nothing compared to Earth, his Earth. _We’ll give it a try_ , he thought but didn’t dare to say it because he didn’t know how willing he was to do it.

Kaidan sighs when he gives up on hearing whatever Shepard didn’t finish saying, he gets up from the mattress and then goes looking for fresh clean clothes in one of the bags he has around his temporal place, though he doesn't put them on, thinking that a bath should be better first.

He kind of knows what Shepard wants to say, hell, he was hoping Shepard finished that thought so that’d give him an excuse to “think” about it and tell him that yes, he wanted to try, for a bit while he settles back but he’s glad it didn’t come to that because just thinking about giving Shepard hope kills him.

And just like that, Shepard leaves, but not before looking back to him and it feels like he’s moving again… but this time there’s a chance for them to be together, without the weight of his parents’ decision, or the future decisions, but still, Kaidan just sees him go.

::

Two flights of stairs, that’s all it takes Shepard to turn back around and run straight to Kaidan’s room, two flights of stairs is all he needed to think about the situation, two flight of stairs and he’s 16 years old again, watching Kaidan go.

He knocks on the door, once, twice three times, doesn’t go for a four time because Kaidan is opening the door, rather scared, and with his hair wet.

“Something happened?” He asks, trying to rearrange the towel on his lower half. Shepard looks him up and down, like he didn’t spend all day completely naked and fucking Kaidan senseless. “John?”

He enters the room, frantically trying to make sense of all the information in his head, he wants to say so much, too much, but doesn’t know how… how to convey all his feelings. Kaidan is looking at him worried, Shepard barely hears him saying his name, the only person besides his mother who calls him John, even Anderson mostly calls him Shepard, despite that not being his legal name since he was a kid.

He doesn’t know when or how it happened, Kaidan calling him John, but he loves it. It’s not really relevant right now but he can’t stop thinking about it… probably because Kaidan keeps calling his name and he should say something.

“I think we should talk about us,” he says, not noticing that he’d been pacing around until Kaidan grabs both his arms to stop him.

He sighs, “what’s there to talk about, John?”

“I… I wanna be with you.”

Kaidan sighs again.

“Let’s just try it out, a little while… a week,” he gives Kaidan a lopsided smile because he knows how dumb that sounds and hey, at least Kaidan laughs so that’s a tiny victory.

“That’s stupid,” he replies, hand on his temple like he’s got a headache.

“You didn’t say no,” Shepard smiles again, getting closer to Kaidan.

“I didn’t, did I,” Kaidan says, dropping the towel and meeting Shepard halfway.

**Author's Note:**

> whats more romantic than seeing iced tea coming out of your crush's nose


End file.
